So I am somewhat embarrassed to do this however I have added paypal "Donate" buttons to most of my Tumblr blogs and links to the donate page on some of my art submissions and DA journals.
In short, this journal entry is not an attempt to generate pity of any kind to motivate people to click that donate button. This journal is just to let you guys know, "hey, I did a thing. Here's why." Pretty much.
So, to begin:
I'm just in a really rough spot right now. I have been since November and it's taking forever to get myself in a better place with my life. I think I might have discussed my troubles in previous journal entries? I'm not sure. Sadly I am not as active on DA as I'd like to be.
But right now, things are rough. I'm working two jobs [both part time with fluctuating schedules and don't pay all that well] and I try to pick up side work too. I'm also preparing for a yard sale this weekend and I'm making jewelry that I plan to sell on Etsy some time within this year (I'm slow).
The rough spot I'm in has really put me in a place psychologically/mentally to where I honestly lack the energy and motivation to create art and I've even decreased significantly in my online roleplaying activity.
I owe people a lot of money, which I have every intention to pay, but it'll take some time since I have to pay a car loan every month. That in itself isn't too bad. I can deal with that. I live with my mom, she usually covers the rent and the bills.
But my mom's getting older, and she's really sick and she's in pain a lot of the time (she has sciatica, which only just cropped up a year ago in January, after my dad died) and she's losing a lot of weight. She's seeing all kinds of doctors but they can't figure out what's wrong. Now she has this really bad stomach pain and had to cancel work for a few days this week which means we're going to be out from some income to cover the bills.
I already don't make much so paying my debts to people and trying to cover what my mom can't is really stressful for me. And today, my boss [for my graphic design job] is really stressing the importance for me to get a decent computer. He wants me to get a computer that I can work from home with. Which, honestly, if I had the money and I didn't have so much shit to deal with since November, I'd probably have a great computer for graphic design work by now. (My current laptop has killed like two or three hard-drives in the basically 5 years I've had it, and now it's over-heating. Basically, I can't trust it at all.)
So trying to get by on very little and being expected to pay for so much at the same time, most of these things being out of my control (like the car crapping out on my mom and I to where we bought a new car in December only for it to crap out with a likely bill of $2600 to get it back up and running so we went out and got a new car that I'm now expected to pay off for the next two year), is really stressing me out. I can't pay personal debts, pay for car insurance, pay off the car loan, cover the money lost from my mom's unexpected/unwanted sick days, AND buy a new computer.
I just have a ton on my plate right now and I'm kind of like:
But honestly, this journal isn't about telling people my sob story in an attempt to get pity cash. I don't want people to pity me. I don't even like the idea of having little donate buttons on my journals and in my artist's comments. But it's kind of just a little hope that maybe someone who likes my work or the resources I've provided in the past and basically just want to tip me(?) for the resources.
It's a donation button, not a "you have to pay to see this/use that" button. So it's just an option.
I just wanted to write a journal explaining why the donate button is there.
In a nutshell, it's there because, yes, I could really use the money (even just $1), I really need money, but it's not there to guilt-trip people, I'm not writing this journal to make people be like "Aww, poor you. Here's a $1." Because a lot of people have it rough. I'm no exception. But I am just hopeful that maybe if someone's found some of my stuff useful and feels compelled enough, they'll want to donate a $1 in appreciation for the stuff I've posted? Basically.
My resources are here to stay. I don't have plans to delete them or this account. I might be REALLY inactive, but I'm not going to make things unavailable. That's not cool. I'm a huge advocate for getting things for free. Which is one reason why I don't like having a donate button/link on my stuff.
But it is a "Donate" button because donations are just a nice gesture, but not obligatory in any way.
And I will NEVER put up some clause on my work like "If you want to use it commercially, you need to send me a donation." Or something. That's messed up. Some of my things are strictly for personal use for a reason. And likewise, some of my things are open to use any way you see fit, personal, non-profit, commercially. Whatever you want.
Anyway, this journal pretty much went off in a tangent. I mostly just wanted to vent my frustrations. And yeah, just letting you know there's a stupid donate button/link on some of my stuff.